Jun 22, 2011

Summer time: letting all hang out without the hang ups

I could justify my happy relationship with hot weather by blaming on the fact that I grew up under the Equator, but since most of my friends back home would just say I’m nuts for liking the heat so much, I won’t even go there.

I just love the heat; it is part of my own nature. I’ve always loved walking bare feet; I live for the day I can be at a beach, under the hot sun and swimming in some beautiful ocean. That setting has some seriously calming effect on me (yeah I know, on everyone, its called vacation!) it makes me happy, makes me feel sexier, more creative, energetic and flat out GOOD. It’s a whole transformation and I guess a more evident one when you migrate from living under the Equator line all the way to the northern hemisphere of the planet.

Boy do I suffer during the winter… but that’s a whole other blog post.

Summer’s arrival makes me realize how much most women I’m surrounded by (who mostly happened to be big like me) dread wearing a bathing suit. They probably would have an easier time going to a battle ground in Afghanistanthan wearing a bathing suit in public. And you don’t have to tell me the list of reasons for such fear/hate/dislike/no-way-in-hell type of thinking. I could say chances are if you’re a fat girl, you know the ordeal of how terrifying that moment can be. But unfortunately stepping out in your bathing suit seems to be a terrifying ordeal all across the board for women of all sizes (thank you dear media/Hollywood/fashion world!).

But truth been told, when you’re fat that whole experience can turn out quite traumatic and most of us have not been taught to grow that iron clad skin and the careless attitude to endure it without been scarred for life.

When you take those covers off and everything is out there for the world to see, people at the beach often don’t hesitate to stare, almost as if to say “how dare do you think you can be happy with THAT body?”. It’s a sad but true fact and not unlikely to happen.

But that’s what I do. I get to the beach; I take my clothes off and enjoy the sun quite comfortably (SPF30 all the way!) in my bikinis, go for a swim, a walk, catch up with my friends and enjoy my family. I suppose I’m that type who really couldn’t care less about the stares at the sight of my size 18 frame, flaunting all my roundness in my collection of 2 piece bikinis. Yes, you read correctly. I have 2 full drawers of bikinis. I’m quite ok with letting all hang out under the sun, without the hang ups about it. Why shouldn’t I?

Rest assured I’m not alone as a species, occasionally I have come across others like me, flaunting their large body frames featuring cute swimwear at the beaches in various parts of the planet, exposing the same type of behavior and looking pretty unfazed by it too, I may add. Diagnosis, you may ask, is called: ENJOY-LIFE-LET-IT-GO-WHO-CARES!

I’ll try not to get preachy about it (I’m guessing I’m already there…) … life is too danm short to give a flying kite about what people think.

If I had limited myself to do the things I’ve always wanted due to other’s opinion in regards of my body size, I would have not achieved most things I have in my life so far.  And to me that’s just absurd, senseless and flat out unacceptable. Mind you I had a pretty hefty list of things I would not achieve according to others rules. And without even trying, I’ve far surpassed that list.

People will always have their own opinions about things. Most of the times those opinions aren’t the nicest either. Especially when it comes to other peoples looks.

If you’re tall, you’re too tall, if you are short, you’re too short; if your butt is too big you’re fat, if it’s too small if you’re not curvy enough, if you have small boobs you look like a boy but if you have too much you should have a breast reduction. Let’s not even go into cellulites, stretch marks and hair texture. There’s no ending to that list until you say so. I often think that the ones working hard to insert so many insecurities inside women’s minds are often the most bitter and unhappy ones to begin with. After all, misery loves company.

It seems that even though we’re all different and very aware of that, we struggle quite a lot to live with the differences w/o been so bashful and a bitter critic of one another. Everybody is desperately trying to shove themselves inside a uniform mold, like sheep in a heard, lacking the ability to lead for themselves, or have some courage to say “hey, I’m going to be ME and if you don’t like, look the other way”.

By analyzing all that, I have pretty much come to the conclusion at an early stage in my life that it is far easier to endure the stares at my big, fat butt and belly at the beach while wearing my bikinis than to work so hard, waste so much energy and my valuable time trying to be something that I’m not. Because even if you try, you will still endure the negative criticism as the bar is set higher and higher and anything you do is never good enough. And not to state the obvious, but yeah, we will never ALL fit the same mold.

Now, I’m not saying go out there and try to be comfortable wearing a bathing suit, to each it’s own. But what I am saying is that you shouldn’t let life pass by without enjoying the things you particularly want because of your size and because eyes might be staring. Who cares?!!??!?!!! No one is paying your rent girlfriend, so go on, live the life you want. 

So there you have it, I’m that fat chick wearing bikinis at the beach and seriously happy about it. Perhaps because New York City winters have made me realize how awful I look on that pale yellow skin tone but probably and most likely because I’m aware that if I’m not happy under my own skin, no one else will be for me.

Enjoy your summer, I know I will.



1 bikini, zero make up, 100% happiness

1 bikini, zero make up, 100% happiness

33 Responses

  • That has been my biggest battle with my fat body ever. Going to war is probably easier for me than going to the beach, as you say above!
    Oh Fluvs, it’s so awesome that we have you out there to give us more confidence, more courage to face society. It’s not easy at all when your mind makes you think that everybody is staring at you but I agree with you: life is too short for us not to take advantage of the things we’d love to enjoy the most.

    Thank you for being you and for taking your precious time to sit down and write us! Love ya!

  • Fluvia,
    I don’t know you personally but have met Yuliya when my fat meetup group went to her showroom in San Francisco. I haved loved following you since then (over a year) now and appreciating all your “Fluvia-ness.”

    But this post is SO MOVING! Your honesty and sharing about your experience – what we all experience – livng in a fat body and the stares, judgements, etc… is what I have experienced from others … and what I sadly admit, from myself as well ove the years.

    Something happened to me when I reached 40. (I am 41 now). I realized that I had been bullying myself too around my size. Whether it was first driven into me from the media and society ..l I reazlie that self love begins with me.

    It’s up to me to love me. And that is my journey.

    From the bottom of my heart and the bigness of my booty… I appreciate you and thank you for sharing your journey, for being a pioneer, and showing your sassy, sexy and vulnerable side along the way. I truly appreciate you … even though we have never met. I am grateful to have role models like you in my journey to be fully ME!

  • You’re amazing!! Une très belle jeune femme !!
    What is the brans of your bikini??

    Thanks a lot!!

  • You look absolutely gorgeous!

    Would love to be in that ocean too right now as the weather is awful in Belgium! lol

  • Thel always beautiful Fluvia!

  • I just love reading your posts Fluvia! They are full of so much positivity and body love…I love it! Its refreshing to see and read in a world where media is the complete opposite :D

  • I absolutely LOVE this post! I kid you not, I don’t even own any one-piece bathing suits! I rock my bikinis all the time (and i’m a size 16)! Growing up, I spent my summers in Greece and I never thought about how people were going to judge me, because I thought, well I will never see these people again!

    I think a lot of people are just so wrapped up about what other people THINK, that they make themselves paranoid for no reason! I feel as though, if you feel good and confident to rock a bikini, then DO IT, and screw everyone else!

  • You look fabulous!!!

  • Hi Fluvia!

    You look amazing! You have a beautiful body so I get why you’re not afraid to show it!

    What’s bothering me as a plus size youg woman is not being a plus size, but it’s not having a tight skin as you do!

    Again, you’re soooooooooooo pretty and inspirational!

    (sorry for my english I’m a new french reader :)

  • I would love to know where you get your larger-sized bikinis. I can’t ever find any and hate the matronly look of most plus-sized swimsuits. Thanks for the inspiring words!

  • you are my hero girl ;)

  • You are an amazing woman. Please continue to blog about things that women our size deal with on a daily basis. The way you express the way you feel and the experiences you have are amazing! Wonderful blog!

  • Thank you so much for this great post! You are stunning :)

  • estás guapísima y me encanta tu estilo :) felicidades.
    con mucho cariño :*

  • Realmente você é uma das mulheres mais lindas da atualidade. E Made in Brazil!

    (Espero que aceitem comentários em português por aqui ;D)

  • Fluvia I only wish you knew how up lifting this was for me. I literally want to cry right now because I am so touched by these words because I saw my self several times in many different areas of this post. You just gave me a whole new confidence to say WHO GIVES A DAMN LOL. This is my body, im fat and I love me. You are just awesome !

  • Thank you, Fluvia, for being so honest, confident, and good-natured about your body. The media has truly taught us to hate ourselves, just so they can sell us the next magazine, creme, or surgery. It takes women like you (with a platform) to undo all the brainwashing. That’s my mission too with DignityZine.com.

  • I think you look beautiful!

  • I wish I could have your confidence to have my picture taken with a bikini!!!!
    you rock lady, you are amazing!!!

    xxx Ylenia | Longuette

  • You look gorgeous. Question: Do you have cellulite or stretch marks? I ask b/c I have lots of both and THAT’s the part that makes me uncomfortable when wearing a bathing suit. Thanks.

  • Oi Querida! Que lindo seu blog! eu sei que vc deve ouvir isso muuuito, e não tenho expectativas sobre a sua resposta, mas não me custa tentar…hehehe! Sei que vc foi encontrada ao acaso, mas quero muito ser uma modelo plus size, não sei por onde começar, sei que é muita audácia te perguntar ou pedir alguma dica, mas sou uma cega no mercado…realmente não sei o que fazer…! Vc é linda, e já sabe, um exemplo! Bjos querida!


  • Linda Brasileira é isso ai , mostrando pro mundo que ter fofura a mais é um privilegio do Criador Bjs!!!


  • Olá Fluvia! Parabéns pelo trabalho!!! Eu nunca me senti muito bem com o meu corpo, mas vendo suas fotos estou percebendo que ser gordinha não tem que ser considerado um problema. Gostaria muito de ter a oportunidade de tirar umas fotos como “modelo” para me sentir mais bonita e parar de tirar fotos apenas da cintura pra cima. Rs! Beijos e sucesso!!!

  • Thank you so much.

  • Fabulous article, you look truly beautiful.

  • You look amazing in your bikini!!! Thanks for the inspiration. You are so right. Time to live even if I am not a “perfect” size.

  • 1. Amen. I got tired of apologizing for being fat years ago. I am fat and I don’t hate myself. People have to get used to it.

    2. You look amazing!

  • wonderful!

  • You are absolutely gorgeous!!!!!

    I read and hear your words, but still I come away from your post, walk by a mirror and tear myself to shreds. At 58 years old, I wonder if I’ll ever stop being so highly critical of myself, get out there and not give a rats ass about what others think. i’m so painfully self conscious of my thicker middle and tummy which no amount of spandex will hide.

    Oh well, you are an inspiration… Keep on blogging, I look forward to reading more from you…

  • The first thing I thought when I saw that picture on pinterest was “WOW she looks happy and she is beautiful!”.You are right. You shouldn’t hide your body. Not just because you don’t care but because your body is beautiful!

  • Greetings from Denmark.

    I have linked to your blog in my own blog in Danish:


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