I could justify my happy relationship with hot weather by blaming on the fact that I grew up under the Equator, but since most of my friends back home would just say I’m nuts for liking the heat so much, I won’t even go there.
I just love the heat; it is part of my own nature. I’ve always loved walking bare feet; I live for the day I can be at a beach, under the hot sun and swimming in some beautiful ocean. That setting has some seriously calming effect on me (yeah I know, on everyone, its called vacation!) it makes me happy, makes me feel sexier, more creative, energetic and flat out GOOD. It’s a whole transformation and I guess a more evident one when you migrate from living under the Equator line all the way to the northern hemisphere of the planet.
Boy do I suffer during the winter… but that’s a whole other blog post.
Summer’s arrival makes me realize how much most women I’m surrounded by (who mostly happened to be big like me) dread wearing a bathing suit. They probably would have an easier time going to a battle ground in Afghanistanthan wearing a bathing suit in public. And you don’t have to tell me the list of reasons for such fear/hate/dislike/no-way-in-hell type of thinking. I could say chances are if you’re a fat girl, you know the ordeal of how terrifying that moment can be. But unfortunately stepping out in your bathing suit seems to be a terrifying ordeal all across the board for women of all sizes (thank you dear media/Hollywood/fashion world!).
But truth been told, when you’re fat that whole experience can turn out quite traumatic and most of us have not been taught to grow that iron clad skin and the careless attitude to endure it without been scarred for life.
When you take those covers off and everything is out there for the world to see, people at the beach often don’t hesitate to stare, almost as if to say “how dare do you think you can be happy with THAT body?”. It’s a sad but true fact and not unlikely to happen.
But that’s what I do. I get to the beach; I take my clothes off and enjoy the sun quite comfortably (SPF30 all the way!) in my bikinis, go for a swim, a walk, catch up with my friends and enjoy my family. I suppose I’m that type who really couldn’t care less about the stares at the sight of my size 18 frame, flaunting all my roundness in my collection of 2 piece bikinis. Yes, you read correctly. I have 2 full drawers of bikinis. I’m quite ok with letting all hang out under the sun, without the hang ups about it. Why shouldn’t I?
Rest assured I’m not alone as a species, occasionally I have come across others like me, flaunting their large body frames featuring cute swimwear at the beaches in various parts of the planet, exposing the same type of behavior and looking pretty unfazed by it too, I may add. Diagnosis, you may ask, is called: ENJOY-LIFE-LET-IT-GO-WHO-CARES!
I’ll try not to get preachy about it (I’m guessing I’m already there…) … life is too danm short to give a flying kite about what people think.
If I had limited myself to do the things I’ve always wanted due to other’s opinion in regards of my body size, I would have not achieved most things I have in my life so far. And to me that’s just absurd, senseless and flat out unacceptable. Mind you I had a pretty hefty list of things I would not achieve according to others rules. And without even trying, I’ve far surpassed that list.
People will always have their own opinions about things. Most of the times those opinions aren’t the nicest either. Especially when it comes to other peoples looks.
If you’re tall, you’re too tall, if you are short, you’re too short; if your butt is too big you’re fat, if it’s too small if you’re not curvy enough, if you have small boobs you look like a boy but if you have too much you should have a breast reduction. Let’s not even go into cellulites, stretch marks and hair texture. There’s no ending to that list until you say so. I often think that the ones working hard to insert so many insecurities inside women’s minds are often the most bitter and unhappy ones to begin with. After all, misery loves company.
It seems that even though we’re all different and very aware of that, we struggle quite a lot to live with the differences w/o been so bashful and a bitter critic of one another. Everybody is desperately trying to shove themselves inside a uniform mold, like sheep in a heard, lacking the ability to lead for themselves, or have some courage to say “hey, I’m going to be ME and if you don’t like, look the other way”.
By analyzing all that, I have pretty much come to the conclusion at an early stage in my life that it is far easier to endure the stares at my big, fat butt and belly at the beach while wearing my bikinis than to work so hard, waste so much energy and my valuable time trying to be something that I’m not. Because even if you try, you will still endure the negative criticism as the bar is set higher and higher and anything you do is never good enough. And not to state the obvious, but yeah, we will never ALL fit the same mold.
Now, I’m not saying go out there and try to be comfortable wearing a bathing suit, to each it’s own. But what I am saying is that you shouldn’t let life pass by without enjoying the things you particularly want because of your size and because eyes might be staring. Who cares?!!??!?!!! No one is paying your rent girlfriend, so go on, live the life you want.
So there you have it, I’m that fat chick wearing bikinis at the beach and seriously happy about it. Perhaps because New York City winters have made me realize how awful I look on that pale yellow skin tone but probably and most likely because I’m aware that if I’m not happy under my own skin, no one else will be for me.
Enjoy your summer, I know I will.
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